I thought I was a bad mom… and I was wrong!

I came across this article about a month ago. As I read it, I couldn’t help but cry silently because this could have been the ending to my story. I know the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy and the depths of sorrow that Allison must have felt. I feel so sad that this was the ending to her story.

“To all those mothers out there experiencing some of these same feelings: you are not alone, and you are not a bad mother!  PPD is lying to you.  It is twisting your memories, feelings, and beliefs and reshaping them into an overwhelming falsehood.” – Julie, Allison’s friend

This is something I have thought about for a long time. Depression and anxiety are liars! They tell you every single minute of every single day that you will never be good enough; that you don’t deserve to even be a mother; that you don’t deserve to be alive. This is one of Satan’s greatest tools and I finally understand why. If Satan can attack the very core of your soul and tell you that you aren’t good enough, it affects everything you do as a mother.

“You will not be judged, only loved, as you seek help… Help is out there in many forms if we just seek it: loving friends, supportive husbands, counselors, support groups, and medication.” – Julie, Allison’s friend

Please, please, please know that if you are suffering, it is okay to reach out and get help. No one will judge you; they will respect that you were brave enough to get help. Just as this article states, if you will only open up about your own struggles as a new mama, it will help other women have the courage to do the same and we can help other women just like Allison.

If you think you are a bad mother, you are wrong. You are more than what your thoughts say you are.

Much love,

Kaitlyn


50 Comments

  • Liz Wilcox

    January 16, 2017

    Motherhood is a constant struggle with so many things pulling you in different directions! Keep going momma.
    This is a guest post I did for someone else about how I got through and continue to battle the bad http://www.mamabearmartin.com/minimalism-saved-motherhood/

    Reply
  • Kat

    January 16, 2017

    I can only imagine how hard motherhood could be sometimes. And I absolutely agree- asking for help doesn’t make you weak! And nobody should feel guity about it!

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      Thank you so much for saying that Kat, because it is so true. Getting help makes you even stronger!

      Reply
  • Brenda

    January 16, 2017

    That is true that PPD can make you feel like a bad mom. I had it with my oldest, and it was so hard. It is important to reach out and ask for help.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      It really is so hard, Brenda. Especially for the fact that you don’t realize that that is what it is a lot of the time. Good for you for being strong!

      Reply
  • Aundrea

    January 16, 2017

    You are right! It is Satan’s biggest tool and we as a community need to make it easier for women to feel comfortable seeking help. Thanks for the share and for brining awareness.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      Thank you for taking the time to read my post Aundrea! I really just want women to know that it is okay to not be okay. When they reach out for help they will feel SOOOO much better!!!

      Reply
  • jaycie

    January 16, 2017

    such an important thing to remember, even if you’re trying you’re so good – better than a lot out there

    Reply
  • Nellwyn

    January 16, 2017

    It’s so true that depression and anxiety are liars! And it’s so important to make our loved ones feel safe enough to know they can reach out during hard times. Thanks for sharing this post.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      I completely agree. I really try hard to help my loved ones know that, especially when they are experiencing something new for the first time. That causes anxiety and depression in itself!

      Reply
  • Author Brandi Kennedy

    January 16, 2017

    How heartbreaking. It’s sad that so many women suffer silently and are too afraid or ashamed to ask for help dealing with everything.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      I know Brandi. It really breaks my heart just thinking about it! I know I would not be here if I had not gotten help, and my baby might not be either. We have so many modern day helps that are there for us to utilize!

      Reply
  • Amber Myers

    January 16, 2017

    So sad. I hate it if people keep silent if they need help.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      I completely agree! I just want to help raise awareness about this very issue just as Julie, Allison’s friend, is trying to do.

      Reply
  • amer

    January 16, 2017

    Oh no! It’s amazing how hormones do a women’s emotions. I’m so proud that you’re coping with it gracefully.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      I am glad that you think so because somedays I feel like a complete mess! Seriously though, these hormones can make ya go crazy.

      Reply
  • mira pstr

    January 16, 2017

    I don’t have kids yet but my mom told me always that being mom is a full time job and it too normal to ask for help like any person that ask for help in their JOB, congratulation you baby is so cute

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      Thank you!!! He is pretty cute. That is a great way to put it… it is okay to ask for help because you would do the same at any other paying job.

      Reply
  • Steve Goodwin

    January 16, 2017

    I think everyone both mom’s and dads struggle with this from time to time. It’s a lot of pressure being a parent and it’s definitely not always easy, but it’s worth it! God didn’t create us to walk this life alone! This is so encouraging that you are encouraging us to connect with others

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      I totally agree with you Steve, being a parent is tough! I have to remind myself everyday that the pressure there is huge but I have someone that can lead me every step of the way. Having support is so important!

      Reply
  • Caitlin

    January 16, 2017

    It’s so critically important that parents reach out for help when they need it… and that the people they reach for GIVE them that help! It takes a village, and such.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 16, 2017

      It really does, Caitlin. I have definitely come to learn that in the last year! My OB told me the same thing when we told her we were contemplating moving closer to family because of everything that had happened. It has been a lifesaver!

      Reply
  • The Travel Ninjas

    January 16, 2017

    Thanks for sharing your honest story. You are so strong and encouraging.

    Reply
  • Krysten

    January 16, 2017

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I had really bad PPD and I thought that I was a bad mom too. I thought that maybe I was doing everything wrong and that my baby would grow up to hate me. I thought that I couldn’t be the perfect partner and mother. It was bad. Some days I didn’t want to get out of bed. I’m glad that I’m not alone.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 17, 2017

      Thank you for being open about your struggle as well, Krysten. I know exactly how you feel and it is SO HARD. Especially on the days you don’t want to get up because you still have to keep going for your child. It is so hard to feel valued and like you are doing a good job when PPD is twisting your thoughts so much! Way to press through it mama.

      Reply
  • markandkate8

    January 17, 2017

    Being a mom is a hard work. And every mom has different parenting style so it’s not for anybody or even yourself to say you’re being a bad mother if you have days when you feel off. Give yourself credit for taking care of your child the best way you know how to do. It’s a hard job as it is.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 17, 2017

      I completely agree with you. There isn’t a right and wrong way to parent; except sometimes I do with there was a manual for this whole parenting thing!! It definitely gets easier but it IS hard.

      Reply
  • Wanderlust Vegans

    January 17, 2017

    That is great that you are reassuring those mothers suffering from PPD. You’re right, they are not bad mothers and PPD can be a problem for many women but they don’t need to suffer alone.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 17, 2017

      Exactly!!! No one should have to suffer alone. There are so many women that do and that is when it gets scary, just as it did for Allison. I hope to help raise awareness that it is okay!

      Reply
  • annalisanuttall

    January 17, 2017

    I’m not a mum but from everyone I speak too have said how hard it is and isn’t easy. Thank you for sharing your experience. xx

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 17, 2017

      It definitely isn’t easy. But, it is seriously the greatest blessing in the whole word. I would not trade being a mama for anything! I hope someday you get the opportunity to experience it. And if not, there are so many other children that need role-“mamas” in their lives.

      Reply
  • Elizabeth O.

    January 17, 2017

    As moms we want the best for our babies and that’s why we sometimes feel like we’ve fallen short. We set high expectations for ourselves and its never really healthy. I think it’s important that we value our achievements as mothers and to accept that we’re already giving our best.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 17, 2017

      I have definitely had to learn this lesson in the last year. At the end of every day I now say to myself, “Look what I did today!” rather than dwelling on all the things I didn’t do right.

      Reply
  • Robin Rue

    January 17, 2017

    Motherhood is one of those tricky little things. You want to be the best but everyone has their off days whether they are a parent or not. We just have to remember that!

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 17, 2017

      You are so right Robin! We all have off days whether we are a parent or not. We are definitely entitled to those days!

      Reply
  • Yvonne

    January 17, 2017

    Being a mom is not easy. We expect so much out of ourselfs and the issues come about when we feel we haven’t reached them. Great post to remind us moms of this x

    Reply
  • Jill Conyers (@jillconyers)

    January 17, 2017

    This is going to be so helpful to many. It will be nice for reassurance that mommy’s that have PPD are not alone.

    Reply
  • Ashlea

    January 17, 2017

    Motherhood is tough and stressful. I battles PPD silently as I felt like I was failing my little one.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 17, 2017

      That is what so many women think, and part of it is that you don’t know that what you are feeling is not right. You just think it is how it is supposed to be when you have a kiddo! Good for you for making it through mama.

      Reply
  • deesignplay

    January 17, 2017

    Stay strong dear! The destination as as beautiful as the journey

    Reply
  • Sondra Barker

    January 18, 2017

    Keep your head up, darling! I think many mommies struggle with thinking the same thing, but you just have to be a little less critical of yourself and a little more loving. You’ve got this mama!

    Reply
  • Amanda Seghetti

    January 18, 2017

    I’ve definitely had those moments, and I think we all do at some point. I know my kids are healthy and taken care of, and they need me to be healthy too. <3

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 18, 2017

      I completely agree! We all get caught up in being super mom that we forget that we need to care for ourselves in order to really be an effective super mom.

      Reply
  • Marceline Dementori

    January 18, 2017

    At the end of the day, we always think less of ourselves and I think that’s a little toxic. We need to consider the fact that we’re giving our family the best version of ourselves.

    Reply
  • Kait

    January 18, 2017

    I’m currently not a mom! But I do feel like I will deal with feeling like a bad mom when I have a child

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 19, 2017

      I think it is a naturally tendency to compare yourself to others whether you are a mom or not. It is something we all need to work on, loving ourselves for who we are!

      Reply
  • Karlyn Flores

    January 19, 2017

    This is such a great post and You’re so brave to tell this honest story with us.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 23, 2017

      Thank you Karlyn, you are so kind! I hope to empower women to not have to suffer alone.

      Reply
  • duffelbagspouse

    January 20, 2017

    I remember these feelings when I was a new mother. I listened to other people’s accomplishments and compared them to mine. You have to not listen to those and listen to your baby and never bottle up your emotions. No baby comes with an owners manual… we are all winging it.

    Reply
    • Kaitlyn Brough

      January 23, 2017

      You are so right! I definitely with there was a manual for parenting. However, I don’t think it would work for everyone because each child is seriously so different. It is hard not to compare but I have found I am so much happier when I don’t do that!

      Reply

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